Just a thought....

Today... not a wonderful and happy day, not just for the fact that its Monday but yea anyway, I got up tormented already from a dream into reality, waking up like this really seem to drain my energy; Feeling lost, demotivated walking around in the void again... A creation of pain and loneliness a world within a world just a state of mind....  I miss Him today well mostly everyday... pain pain and suffering!!, If I started to search for ways to get out... should I worry? Have I lost it completely, constantly thinking yes, No? - maybe!? what to do???.... what tooo do...!!   Here I am waiting for a release from these bonded chains of pain a needed devotion for love and care...  alone I walk? I fear I am... without her I'm hopeless... I do trust in the Lord! I really do, but I'm not happy? Maybe I'm having trouble accepting Him... maybe I should stop trying to be Good... and just accept Him and let Him help me... It's this constant testing and attacks from the dammed making life so unpleasant... ? lust....  Go away from me-- Death -- Leave me let me be.....  I just want to be happy? even so sometimes I feel happy being miserable.... What a confused state... Dreaming wandering around In this void... Eden or the Cursed part of it... !